In some ways it feels like I've lost the knack of story. I also wonder if I ever even had it. There was a period of 2-3 years where every single waking hour a little voice in the back of my head wanted to be writing. Then I wrote multiple novels without publishing them and overtime fell into a pit of self-pity; I will never be published and as such why even do this any more...
I also wonder if reading a good book or article is actually hurting my creative output. I feel there's wisdom and potential in what I read yet my brain does nothing with them. It's as if I need to take myself back to school and write essays on the content in order to properly evaluate them in order for them to stick in my mind. I am too tired, too sluggish and it's easier to read than to think.
I used to think movie were so easy to watch because it's passive. I now know even reading can feel passive.
I'm currently reading Greek classics and other "educated" fiction for inspiration. I'm hoping to draw from the greats for in order to find myself among them. But unless I also write and critically evaluate the world around me, I'll keep floating by missing the essence of something worth while hoping for inspiration to strike.
I keep thinking I need to move to a city or live in movement as that's why I'm lacking inspiration. Then I hear of authors like Liu Cixin (3 Body Problem) who lived in a rural country side his entire life before writing what is considered the most prolific sci-fi trilogy of human history. So that can't be an excuse. I'm just no writing and as such I'm getting dull. So instead I read and act like I'm building up an encyclopedia of plots for when inspiration finally strikes.
